Honesty

Honesty is a facet of moral character that connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Honesty also involves being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.”

I always thought I was an honest person.  Prided myself because of it, for I felt it was a characteristic that meant something; it showed character.

Wanting to be that perfect child I struggled to become what I felt everyone wanted; so I would be accepted. A very codependent behaviour that can leave one resentful & bitter. My expectations of others ran high, leading to more resentments. But wait, Melanie doesn’t get angry or be resentful, so I stuffed it and it festered inside, which lead to more eating to squash the feelings.

Through the years, fueled with perfectionism, control, self righteousness, fear and the need to feel loved, I formed behaviors that definitely didn’t  uphold honesty to others… and most importantly to myself.

In taking a long HONEST look at myself has been humbling.   Reviewing the past, my resentments, fears and wrongs, has opened my heart to see what needs to be changed in my life. Forget about others; I have no control of their actions, only my reaction. What matters is me and my part and how I can change. Living in pain and self destruction isn’t worth it, for I am the only one who wears it in the end.

I am deserving of my own truth & happiness. I don’t need to hurt anymore.  Changing my self destructive behaviours is essential to living an authentic life. I am worth it!! How freeing it is to let the past go, and work on being who I truly am.

How are your self destructive behaviours affecting your life? Can you be honest enough to make that change?

I hope so, you are worth it!!