A Valentines to Remember

Valentines Day over the past 16 years has been often a day that hasn’t been the most memorable since being single. Seeing everyone around me with a partner, I guess you could say, reminded me of what I didn’t have, instead of what I do. That mindset can always get me into trouble. Changing that mindset has been a work in progress and I feel getting better. Even with the build up of chatter of the upcoming day, whether is be in the stores or online seems to be everywhere. There’s no escaping it!

So if there’s no escaping it, I knew I needed to deal with it. Taking action the past 6 years is what I have learned works. In taking action, things do change. Sometimes, that realization of change comes in moments least expected.

I knew after my husband of 25 years had passed away, I had to learn to be single. My pepper was gone and being half of once was, it took some learning. I didn’t like it. This wasn’t was how it was supposed to be!! But, there once again, life had taught me that things change and there was nothing I can do about it. Accept it. Learn to live differently than before and be happy in the moment whatever that looks like.
Wishing for something of the past or wishing for something that isn’t doesn’t help me. I have no control of what has happened nor do I have control of what will be. So I am left with the here and now. I am responsible for my own happiness. Will I be miserable and slip into the past and future? Or remain in the present and DO whatever I can to be happy? I choose the latter.

I tell ya though, I do have a crazy brain that can get in the way. You know that little voice inside the head that tells you all kinds of lies and bullshit that sometimes you come close to believing at times. Yup, that’s me, I have a crazy brain. “What were you thinking?” “Are you nuts?” “Who would want to be with you?”, “You are not good enough!” “No one gives a damned”,”You”ll always be alone”, there’s no kindness in this world”. That voice that can reason you into a nothingness if you let it.

I know I have to watch it when those voices come sneaking in. For me, I believe that in being honest with myself and accepting that part of me, was the beginning of me being able to recognize when it comes up and be able to snuff out the voice. It will always be there, because it’s a part of me. No way I can get a lobotomy LOL, so I accept that part of me. It’s best to face the elephant in the room instead of avoiding it. I can have conversations at times in my mind that’s quite hilarious. Who will win the argument? The one I feed.

I know the one I used to feed. No more!

So it was two days before Valentines, and it so happened that someone I was chatting with on an online dating site wanted to meet, and they were persistent. So I said name the place and time. They said it was my call. In knowing they were an hour away, I said Friday night, 6pm, Nook & Cranny in Truro, my treat. So it was agreed and reservations made. In being busy with meetings that day not much conversation was had. I headed out the door to the Nook.

In always being early and knowing a few staff, I started with their drink special, enjoying myself in the surroundings. Ten minutes before the hour I texted him letting him know I was at the Nook and if he was in the parking lot he could stop chewing his nails and come in lol. I ordered another drink. He replied 10 minutes after the hour with an lol. I waited…

To make a long story short, after a few more drinks I finally had an appetizer, listened to some great music and then had my favourite meal alone. I had no more texts.

I watched couples come and go and conversed off and on with the wait staff. There were only fleeting moments when that crazy brain tried to take over. To get out of myself I texted a friend which helped. It surprised me that I was OK about everything.

My focus had shifted to the moment. I was enjoying my evening out, the eve before valentines and I knew I’d be OK. Even though I was “stood up” once again that voice said…. I smiled at that thought, “Not going there! It’s in the past!” and snuffed the bugger out!

Finally around 8:30, I asked for my bill and the waitress said, “it’s been taken care of.”
I said, “What?”, I thought I heard wrong.
Again she said, “Someone took care of your bill, it’s been taken care of.”
Again I said in disbelief,”What?, Who?”
The waitress said, “The gentleman who was right there,” as she pointed, “he said he was taking care of your bill.”

I was dumbfounded. I got up and put on my coat, reached in my purse for a $50 dollar bill to put on the table for a tip and then the kindness shown to me started to sink in.

The truth…. that there are kind people in this world … it was made known.

Tears welled up in my eyes with gratitude. I became speechless.

While leaving, the staffed wished me a wonderful evening that remained. I knew they felt sorry but I was filled with gratitude for the evening.

The evening started wonderful and ended wonderful. I met a friend down the street and we went in to hear a jazz band at the Commune.

The next day, not even thinking of the day, I received a call from my good friend Gary and he invited me out for lunch at the YOKA. First time there and it was awesome. Not until I saw the decorations there, did I smile. I don’t have to worry about any special day because every day is special.

That’s how every day should be…. living in the moment…no matter what happens…ALL IS GOOD.

Definitely a Valentines Day/week to remember.

My mind atm is singing…. my new favourite song… I am going to allow that thought  …….Serenity…