A Web of Lies & Bullshit

In viewing this tonight, it was like a light went on of recognition for me. Yes, those words of Jordon Belfort… whoever he may be… are so true. Having struggled for so many years with my weight, my health was in desperate need of a turn around. I continued on a spiraling path telling myself a web of lies and bullshit stories that only now I can see so clearly.

I knew I needed a change and I tried many times but gave up; too many to count. When in the muck n mire, my head was wrapped so deep in the web of lies I spun myself, tis a wonder I ever made it out.

Being 600 pounds, neglecting my health, diabetes; 170 units of insulin a day (that is if I took it) , un diagnosed high blood pressure and thyroid issues. staying away from the doctors, telling myself I was OK and finally the clincher, in telling myself I couldn’t possibly lose weight and remaining at one weight would be healthier for me.  What a joke! I was wrapped up in my emotional eating, bad habits, no exercise & mindlessness. The weight kept going on silently without me realizing. The world I had made for myself in hiding and lying to myself, all so I could cope.
WOW. I suppose we all do it to some variance of degree; when I seen tonight someone posting to this picture and said, how they held them self back the most, out of every one else who tries… it really took me aback. I so wanted to say something to help him see that he could change his path… but felt so shocked I was frozen…I couldn’t find the words…. perhaps because…. I seen me.  Was I being honest?

I know I hoped like hell he didnt have to suffer such a loss to make him realize such a turn around was needed for whatever he felt he needed done in his life.
Having come through all I have, I feel a responsibility to help the next person… I guess knowing how hard the journey has been… and seeing some along my way inspired by my progress, I feel something good can really come out of everything I went through… and I guess the loss I have felt would not be so empty and have some meaning in all the hell the last 2 1/2 years. I guess this even cements it further how I have to get this to paper and get it out there to help others along their journeys in this life…. I guess in thinking of where to start is puzzling for me…so much to say…so much went on… I guess just take it step by step and plow through like i did …to get through it.
Look at me LOL writing my thought here…I guess it helps get things in perspective… n most of you have been there through all I have gone through and heard my ramblings…I guess I feel safe here to do so…n I thank you.
Well I better get to bed…tis after midnight here…n I need my sleep if I have to get started on this venture tomorrow… yes..no time like the present…n i hope you all keep at me so i do stay on this course..i need to get this out there… it will take me time n i imagine tears living through some things… but it’s all good… it will be like a finalization..a closing of sorts that will be for the good..not only me but for others…
later friends….
Mel xox

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